we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
