Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
