Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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