Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
