Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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