; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
