The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize