captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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