so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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