Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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