i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize