look no pants
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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