Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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