I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
