I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
