I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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