i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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