All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
