dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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