i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
