Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
