I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
