My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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