Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
