Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
