At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
