it was like his penis was on wheels.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
