I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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