yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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