got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
