I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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