I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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