.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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