Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
