I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh god it's open bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize