I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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