we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
