3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Say something about gay babies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
