Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
