I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
