It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
