im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
