So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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