we made out on top of his cat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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