I want to make a zoo with you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
