Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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