just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
