Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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