i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Randomize
