Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
