i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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