there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
