You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
