I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
