Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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