True but thats because hes a fetus.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
