You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize