You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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