It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
