you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
