Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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