A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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