I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
