your parents love me but you hate me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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