At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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