I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
