ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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