Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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