So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
